You Needed Me
by Riisha
Summary: Song fic with flashbacks galore. As Hisoka trudges steadily to gain Kurikara, he and Tsuzuki recall the past, reflecting on their present actions.


This _may_ be taken the yaoi way, if you want. If you don't want, take it the friends way. That's how I look at it anyway (the second one).

This is based on the manga. I love the manga more than the series anyway. Series much too serious and manga have more story. This occurs during the Gensou Kai arc in the manga. It's the part where Hisoka goes off to search for Kurikara, dragging Riko along. (or is it the other way around?). But don't be confused with the tons and tons of flashbacks. They are not necessarily in order and not accurate because I edited them. I hope you guys know the manga enough, there are some parts that aren't in the anime. (Like books 4 and 6). I don't take a lot of credit for this fic, it isn't the best in the world, because it's mostly copy-paste. Not a good way to make a fic huh?

I stop blabbing like an idiot now …

Narration 

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts (supposedly …)_

[flashbacks, unless it's a scene change, it carries over]

_~Lyrics~_

You Needed Me By: Riisha 

Hisoka searched the desert with his eyes. There was nothing in sight. At least not yet. But the camels knew where they were going. Kurikara's lair …

"Hey amigo!" Riko peered out from Hisoka's backpack. "Are we getting near yet?"

"Don't talk to me …" Hisoka mumbled. "I still haven't forgiven you for your method of waking people up."

"Ouch …" Riko looked around. "Do you even know where we are?"

"Of course I do!" Hisoka lied. _Where am I? What am I doing here? Why am I dragging this pathetic excuse for a Shikigami around this stupid desert?_

"Hey! Don't look at me! _You_ the one who wants to find that dangerous Kurikara so quickly."

_Did I just say that out loud?_

"Really, amigo … If you don't like it here yourself, why are you bothering to go after this guy? I mean … why is it so important?"

Hisoka stared at him.

"Tsuzuki …"

No answer.

"Tsuzuki!!"

Tsuzuki finally spun around, snapping out of his trance. 

Kijin sighed and shook his head, "Why are you still so worried? Byakko said that we have located him. It won't be long before we go and search for him. We still need to pinpoint his exact location."

"Y-you're all taking too long! What if he's already hurt by now?!"

"Tsuzuki!!" Kijin looked down, sighing again. He peered up at Tsuzuki again. "I understand your concerns, Tsuzuki … but don't get yourself so worked up about it."

"I … I can't help it!"

"But … why?"

Tsuzuki stared at him.

Literally worlds away from each other, Hisoka and Tsuzuki sighed. Hisoka turned away from Riko as Tsuzuki turned away from Kijin.

"You wouldn't understand …"

_~You needed me …~_

[Kyoto. Hisoka is running, trying to find Tsuzuki. He finally finds Tsuzuki in an alley holding a large rock. Before Hisoka could do anything, Tsuzuki has smashed the rock into his eye. 

"Tsuzuki!?" Hisoka cries and falls to his knees beside his partner. He takes the rock away, crying out again, "Baka! What are you doing!!" 

"These eyes...it'd be better if I didn't have them!! These! These...! THESE-----------..." ]

_~I cried a tear~_

[Tsuzuki sits up again. His eye is hazy. "...I knew that somehow I was different from everyone else..." His eye slowly clears up, but the tears are finally starting. 

"But I...I wanted to be together with humans... I wanted to be human--------..." _Forever._ _Seeing the unanswered dream..._ _Please make me human-------..._ ]

_~You wiped it dry~_

[Hisoka suddenly grabs Tsuzuki by the collar. He slowly wipes away Tsuzuki's tears. "You are human. I'll guarantee it." 

"Hisoka..." 

"You've always been human. So, don't cry."

Hisoka embraces Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki eagerly returns it. _If this weak living creature isn't human, then what else can it be_ _Even if everyone before you goes away--------I alone will stay by your side..._ _Tsuzuki..._ ]

_~I was confused~_

[The Queen Camellia is sinking. Hisoka and Tsuzuki are sitting opposite each other in the helicopter. Hisoka is staring at his hands. His blood-stained hands. He starts to cry, burying his face in his hands, 

"Will I someday become used to this..." _Because I'm a copy..._ "Like Muraki... Because used to this... Happily killing, or something like that..." _Because_ _I am ........_ _Muraki's copy..._ ]

_~You cleared my mind~_

[Tsuzuki smiles, almost in understanding. He reaches out his hand and says firmly, "You won't. You won't become like him." 

Hisoka couldn't answer, crying in Tsuzuki's arms.]

_~I sold my soul~_

[Tsuzuki looks up at Touda, his eyes glazed over. Around him, Muraki's laboratory is falling in ashes. Muraki is on the floor, bleeding.

"-----burn me more, Tohda... Everything...reduce it to ashes." _This eternal life..._]__

_~You bought it back for me~_

["Tsuzuki!!!" 

Tsuzuki looks up. Hisoka is flying around, looking for Tsuzuki. "What are you doing, you idiot!! Hurry up and come here!!!" 

_Hisoka...!?_

"Can't move? Wait! I'm coming!!" 

"No, go back!" Tsuzuki cries. "You'll die too!!" 

"STOP THAT!" Hisoka yells. "IDIOT! Are you saying that I came all this way to watch you die!!" ]

_~And held me up~_

["It's over, boy." Oriya chided. "This match------Your loss. A single key will do you no good. Give up." 

Hisoka stood up again, blood dripping from his lip, more blood drenching his clothes. "No...All this time, Tsuzuki has helped me many times..." 

_Like a father._ _A mother._ _An older brother._ _An older sister._ _And at times even a younger brother or sister._ _All those things I never had in the past..._ _He gave what is called a 'family'..._ ]

_~You gave me dignity~_

[_I who even after death kept my heart closed because interacting with others was cumbersome._ _Was slowly and patiently wrapped in warm hands._ _Was watched over with a smile._ _More than anything..._

"Now, Tsuzuki...if he's in trouble, I want to save him..." _Accepting me as human._ _With only that, I-----------_ "This time, I want to help him." _Was healed_ ]

_~Somehow you needed me~_

[Oriya scoffed, "Even if a one in a million chance you win boy-----------you can't use the key." 

Hisoka grits his teeth. "-----------I know but... Even if there's the smallest possibility, I want to bet on it! I have no reason to withdraw now!!" 

He rushes forward.]__

_~You gave me strength~_

[Outside of JuOhCho, Tsuzuki is staring. Hijiri has left. 

"Didn't I tell you?" Hisoka says, matter-of-factly, "A promise isn't an easy thing to keep." 

"You were right...I couldn't protect him...It's a contradiction. Shinigami kill people, no matter how much they want to protect them. But I wasn't planning to lie..."]

_~To stand alone again~_

"I truly wanted to protect those two." Tsuzuki says sadly. "I don't know if you'll believe me but..." 

"I understand." Hisoka says simply. "Everyone understands. You're always serious. You worry too much. Idiot." 

_Everyone knows. You aren't bad..._

_~To face the world~_

[The Queen Camellia. Hisoka sighs as Tsuzuki tells him of Muraki still being alive.

"It's no big deal... In fact, I'm happy. Cause now I can get my revenge on him with my own hands. Until then, him dying would only be troublesome." 

"..." Tsuzuki only looks sad. _Hisoka._ _A sixteen-year-old_ _saying words like revenge..._ ]

_~Out on my own again~_

[_The past with Muraki..._ _Doesn't have anything to do with me._ _But when you're caught in a nightmare_ _When you're having hard times..._

_If it's just being by your side..._ _It wouldn't be conceited ..... Even if you are only depressed..._]

_~You put me high~_

[Tatsumi, Watari and Hisoka can only watch as Touda's dark flames burn down Muraki's laboratory.

Hisoka turned to Tatsumi, anger on his face. "...I'll...go.... I....don't want Tsuzuki to die in a place like this... Exchanging Muraki's...that man's life with his...I don't absolutely don't want that!!!" 

"Kurosaki-kun..." Tatsumi said warningly.]

_~Upon a pedestal~_

[_Even if that's what he desires_ **_I_**_ won't accept it....!!_ "I don't want to accept it!!!" 

"Kurosaki-kun!!" ]

_~So high that I could almost see eternity~_

["I'm sorry! If I live through this, I'll accept whatever the punishment is!! But I... Don't want any regrets..." ]

_~You needed me~_

[ With that, Hisoka jumps into the flames. Tatsumi can only stare after him.]

_~You needed me~_

_~I can't believe it's you~_

[Miyage Inn. Tsuzuki, Saya and Yuma are all grinning, having agreed to help Chizuru and Rika.

"Why are you such a rash promising baka..."  Hisoka asks, snorting.]

_~I can't believe it's you~_

["But it's so sad...." 

"Don't get near me, it's too hot!!" Hisoka screams. But then, he calms down, resigning to looking toward the sky. "------it's fine... I'm already resigned to it. Since the time I became your partner."]__

_~I needed you~_

[Hisoka is sitting against a wall in a room on the sinking Queen Camellia. Tsubaki is lying dead on the floor and he is holding a gun in his hands.

He suddenly hears something and looks up. A hand is reaching for him. 

"Hisoka!!"]__

_~And you were there~_

[Hisoka could only stare at the helicopter hovering there. Tsuzuki is standing there, keeping his balance, trying to reach for the boy on the floor. "Get on! This ship will soon sink!!" 

_Tsuzuki..._

"Come!!!" ]

_~And I'll never leave~ _

[Muraki's laboratory is falling apart because of Tohda's flames. Hisoka is flying above the flames. Tsuzuki is on the ground, his lids are falling. "I'm … tired …"

Hisoka finally lands to run and throw his arms around Tsuzuki.

_~Why should I leave? I needed you~_

"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki whispers, shocked.

"I'm not going back...!! I...don't want to be....alone..." _I don't want to lose...what's most important to me..._ "I decided a long time ago.....that my place to return to is _here_.... By your side only--------"]

_~I finally found someone who really cares~_

[Tsuzuki finally returns the embrace as the laboratory crumbles about them.

_So now, I won't be separated from you._ _I won't let go of your hand a second time._ _The world you are going to._ _I will go as well with you._ _Tsuzuki........_]

_~(You needed me)~_

[_Help me … Tsuzuki!!_

Hisoka wakes up suddenly from his Muraki nightmares. He's on a bed in his suite on the Queen Camellia.

Tsuzuki is looking at him, concernedly. "Hey, are you alright? Hisoka." ]

_~You held my hand~_

["What happened? When I came to Tsubaki-hime's room, you had collapsed on the floor... As I was carrying you here, you were thrashing in the throes of a nightmare." 

"...I... Did I...say anything just now?" 

Tsuzuki takes a while to answer. "No, nothing... Only gasping painfully. I'll bring you some water. We can talk after you've settled down."]

_~When I was cold~_

[Tsuzuki leaves the room. GuShoShin-niisan comes up to him. "You lied again. Such a slip of the tongue." 

Tsuzuki only smiles at him. "It's alright. I've got two tongues. After all I thought that way was best." 

_Even if it was for a moment..._ _That he clung to me_ ...... _He would never allow it..._]

_~When I was lost~_

[MaShuuKo in Queen Beatrice's kingdom. It's dark. Hisoka pauses. "...I'm not good with darkness. Can't see anything." 

"Oh...today's a new moon so it's pitch black." 

Hisoka wraps his coat tighter around himself. _Bad things always occur in the dark. I don't know where I am. I become uneasy. Afraid... _]

_~You took me home~_

[A gloved hand reaches out for him. It's Tsuzuki.

"Hold it. I can see in the dark."]__

_~You gave me hope~_

[Nagasaki. Hisoka is tied (?) to a post. Muraki stands before him. Tsuzuki suddenly drops in from above, between the two. "Yo, Doctor. Isn't the check-up over?" ]

_~When I was at the end~_

[Hisoka looks up, shocked. _This voice... _"You idiot, why did you come! This is a trap!!" 

Tsuzuki turns, determination on his face, "...I'm not going to throw you aside."]__

_~You turned my lies~_

[In the remains of the Saint Michel chapel. Tsuzuki is kneeling by the dead body of Mitani. Hugging the corpse. Kira and Hisoka can only watch.

"...my... It's my fault...It's my fault that Mitani-san was..." _Why..._ _Why is it always like this?_ _Not me_ "It's just like...I killed him. I..." _Everyone I come in contact with..._ "I...!!" _Just like that time----!!_ ]

_~Back into truth again~ _

["Tsuzuki!!!" 

Tsuzuki finally looks up at Hisoka. Hisoka composes himself, saying firmly, "It isn't your fault."]

_~You even called me 'friend'~_

[In Okinawa, Hisoka is in his bath. Tsuzuki is warming the bath for him outside. Hisoka shakes his head, "Our compatibility is... The absolutely worst of bad luck." 

"That's terrible." SD youko Tsuzuki cries.

Hisoka shrugs, "Well, I'm going wherever you're going to, I don't think anything worse is going to happen." 

Tsuzuki smiles. "Right... Thank you, Hisoka."]

_~You gave me strength~_

[Tatsumi and Hisoka are standing outside a hotel room in Kyoto. Tsuzuki is resting inside.

Hisoka speaks suddenly. "Tatsumi-san...tomorrow I'm going back to Shion again. With Watari-san..." 

"What?"

"Tatsumi-san," Hisoka says weakly. "please stay by his side. I...It's the first time I've seen Tsuzuki like that...it's..." _Comforting someone, encouraging them, I've never done those things------_ ]

_~To stand alone again~_

["I don't know to go near him.... I may say the wrong thing and hurt him more...since you've known Tsuzuki for a long time, you can probably reassure him..."]__

_~To face the world~_

["...I...who only partnered with him for three months...?" Tatsumi shook his head. "I think you understand him much more." 

"But..." 

"Kurosaki-kun. What's important isn't the length of time."]

_~Out on my own again~_

[_We both, when hurt, fall apart------...But you are different. At least you were met by him. One can learn to think of others_

"Well, for this once, I will undertake it. But next time, you will do it? That will make him happy." _It'll be alright._ _If it's you two..._

"......hai."]__

_~You put me high~_

[The Philosopher's Way in Kyoto. Tsuzuki is walking down the path after his run-in with Muraki at Oriya's 'restaurant'. Hisoka is with him.

"Did something happen with Muraki?" 

Tsuzuki just smiles, looking down. 

"You can't hide it. I can read your thoughts immediately." ]

_~Upon a pedestal~_

["...thank you, Hisoka... But...I'm fine." _This is a problem I must deal with ..._

"You're...unfair. Even though you keep butting in on other people's problems, why do you hide yours? That's cowardly." ]

_~So high that I could almost see eternity~_

["-------perhaps... But--------If you and Watari and...Tatsumi would despise me once you knew the truth...I'd prefer it to be this way. An unfair coward is better..." _Because I don't want to hurt them------_

"...." --------why... Why do you have to hide your own problems so far?"]

_~You needed me~_

[Outside EnMaCho. Tsuzuki is in a robe. Hisoka shakes his head as he explains how Muraki could still be alive.

"------Well, that's fine...as long as he's living, I can continue forward. And then someday...I will surpass that person I'm pursuing...!!!"]

_Even with hate as 'food',_ _if I can live..._ _if I can be by your side...!_

_~You needed me~_

[Tsuzuki grins.

"....Yeah... The two of us can surely do it...!!" 

They both look up to the moon, no longer red.

**_Our_**_ new goal----!!_ ]

_~You needed me~_

Hisoka looked up, wiping the sweat off his brow as he glinted against the glare of the sun.

_I want power … the power to protect … and no longer be protected … That's right … I can't give up …_ Hisoka thought, looking forward. "I won't give up …"

"I still think you're loco, man …" Riko said.

_I'll gain Kurikara's power … and then I'll come back to you … to everyone …_

_Come back to protect everyone …_

_Even you …_

"Tsuzuki …"

_~You needed me~_

"He's important to me …" was all that Tsuzuki said to Kijin before turning away again.

"But how?"

Tsuzuki only smiled.

_Don't worry …_

_We'll find you …_

_You don't need to be alone …_

_We're here …_

_I'm here …_

"Hisoka …"

_~Oh, yes, you needed me~_

_~You … needed me~_

-----*-----

****

**_Disclaimers and other things:_**

I don't own Yami no Matsuei. Matsushita-sama does. I love her for her beautiful art (my idol) and wonderful bishounen and I'd love to run off with any one of her characters. (Wai! Tsuzuki! Hisoka! (and Hijiri!) Muraki! Byakko! Kijin! Kurikara!) But I can't. So … Don't sue me please …

I don't own the song either. Not that I'd want to … No offense to my beloved Boyzone. Not too fond of the song. I love When the Going Gets Tough anyway. Another of my fics has that song in it.

One last. The manga parts I mentioned/quoted/copy-pasted here are taken from wonderful, _wonderful_ translations by Theria-sama. They are found at www.theria.net/yaminomatsuei. As for what the pictures look like … I envy my senpai, Shiiru-sama, she has the manga up to volume 9. She ain't my roommate anymore so I can't look at them until I get my own manga. Darnit …

So anyway … hope you guys all liked that.

omiclones@hotmail.com 


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